21st January 2009

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so it is the second week of the semester and i am skipping class…

what can i say! i had a rough night.

i have realized something:

i am really sick of people. i have come to the realization that so many people don’t give a shit about others that it is just sickening. well ok not soo many people. only a couple :)

i have awesome friends and i have lost some awesome friends for really stupid reasons.

it just get frustrating when you feel like you lost someone because you lost sightof yourself.

last year i lost sight of who i was… i forgot what was important, and i definitly saw/am seeing the consequences of that. i guess all you can really do is learn from your mistakes and realize that is what you never want to be again.

but sometimes i feel like there are people in my life who i can’t stand but just wont get out of it… they effect every part of it. it seems like that is the way it is though.

the people who treat you the shittiest are always the ones who are most involved.

people keep saying just don’t worry about it, don’t let it effect you etc… but how can i not help but let it effect me? how can i just blow off someone who changed my life so much and effected it and is still effecting it.

sometimes i wish i had a time machine where i could go and erase certain people/events from my life… but i guess if that existed i wouldn’t have the people in my life that i have right now.

if i erased this kid i wouldn’t have my best friend, i wouldn’t be realizing the things i am realizing about myself right now, and i most definitly would not be in the place i am right now.

so i guess everyone/everything happens for a reason, even if in the end it turns into being a bad/regrettful reason.

i take that back i don’t regret anything i have done. i just… wish sometimes i could fix certain things that i broke on the way.

but i guess that is why we are all humans. we make mistakes, we meet shitty people, and we meet awesome people that change our lives, and we learn from all of that.

i think that as we all get older nothing is really black and white anymore… relationships, friendships, and the way people treat eachother turns into grey matter. there is no set definition like there was in elementary school. there is no golden rule. sometimes i really wish there was. i guess that is why i am going to be an elementary school teacher.