5th March 2009

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Have you ever thought about the people you meet, or the situations that you are apart of in your life? Each situation, each person make up apart of you. Everything you do, each person you talk to builds and molds the person you are.

The past couple of days i have been thinking… a lot. never a good thing.

i always wonder what will happen in 2 years. to me, my best friend, my girlfriends, my other friends, people i don’t really like…

i don’t know, i just feel like it is interesting to think about people. people who i have met that have shaped me into the person i am now. the past two years i have met so many people, and i have changed so much. they have changed me.

this was at the end of a book that i read yesterday, and i can’t stop thinking about it:

“Each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And things happen - people leave us, or don’t love us, or don’t get us, or we don’t get them, and we lose and fail and hurt one another. And the vessel starts to crack open in places.And i mean, yeah, once the vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable… But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And it’s only in thattime that we can see on another, because we see out of ourselves through our cracks and into another though theirs. When did we see eachother face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and i saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once that vessel cracks, light can get in. The light can get out.” - Quinton, Paper Towns, John Green.


it is so interesting to think about this. when you are younger nobody really knows anything about you. No one really asks, or looks.

However when you get older you meet people that do ask, they want to know more about the person they are talking to. It is so interesting how
different people see different parts of you.

the people you are the closest to keep digging and digging. they want to see every single crack that you have developed over the years. they will make cracks, they will mend cracks, they will see every single crack that appears.

but then there are people who don’t really care. they see the cracks that effect them and only them. they only care about the surface, and when you show them more they don’t like that… they need their distance. they don’t want to see who you are, you are their elementary school friend who is just there to play with when they want to play with you.

sometimes you need this. you need to keep people in your life who don’t want to see you. who don’t want to know you. they just want to play.

i really think you only find one or two people who really want to see everything. they know you so well that they can see when a crack is starting to develop, or can hear it in your voice, read it in your texts… hold onto these people. know what they are doing in 2 years because you are doing it with them.

the people who just want to play are there temporarily, and then you are done with them. in 2 years you will probably talk to them occasionally, go on a play date.

however, the people who really know you, and know your cracks… they will be there forever. they will see you untill your water vessel cracks and finally falls apart. they will be there to pick up the pieces and glue them back together again.

so i guess no matter how much you sit and wonder what people will be like in 2 years it doesn’t really make a difference. i will be whoever i am, my best friend will always be with me as my best friends, and everyone else will always be everyone else… that’s why there are so many types of people who filter in and out of your life.